I'm Selfish. Are You?

Just the other day...my baby girl said to me, "Mommy, will you snuggle with me?" Of course, my heart melted. I happily complied! Cuddling her as I rocked her, I thought about motherhood and how it has changed me...how all I ever thought about it was completely wrong and somehow, right, all at the same time.

My biggest surprise was that motherhood revealed the selfishness of my own heart to a degree I had never noticed. It started the night my first was born and I was denied precious hours of sleep. It only took a few more nights of that for me to realize, life would never be the same and what I wanted no longer mattered...at least not to her!

That night was just the tip of the iceberg. The Lord, in His wisdom, sent all three of my children with ice picks in their hands! They have done a great job at chiseling away at the enormity of my self-love, but as much as I hate to admit it...it still remains. I would think by now that I should be the "perfect" picture of a sweet, giving, sacrificial mother...but I am reminded daily that although I have many moments of triumph (thanks be to God!), I'm still so stinkin selfish, it makes me sick.

A request to snuggle is a pleasant one. Snuggling is easy! It's all the gazillion other demands on my time that make me sometimes want to run out the door and just keep running (picture Forrest Gump).

"Mommy, can I have a drink? Mommy, I can only find one shoe! Mommy, how do frogs hop? Mommy, she  stuck her tongue out at me! Mommy, I'm bored! Mommy, I have a hang nail! Mommy, watch this! Mommy, can you read me just one more book? Mommy, can you watch this 2 hour show I made up for you? Mommy...Mommy...Mommy........".....all these requests while at the same time feeling the pressures of dishes and laundry and meal planning and homeschooling and ministry and.....

Wow! It's a lot!! But ultimately, I have had to realize that God presents me with something daily...a choice.

I can choose to yell at my kids for not doing what "I" want them to do (like leave me alone). I can stomp around my house in a huff, thinking how unfair it is that I have virtually no time to myself. I can make my kids feel guilty for asking me for help. I can shame them for not doing things "the right way". I can completely ignore them and leave them to fend for themselves while I hide away in a book or on my computer or on the phone or in the bathroom or in a dark corner of the closet (what? you've never done that?!)...;o)

I could do all of that and teach them, very effectively, who is the most important...

ME.

Or, I could choose to fulfill my role as mother and take the higher road paved with true love and self-sacrifice. It's the highway chosen by best among us. It's THAT road that I seek to choose daily!!

Please let me encourage you -- these years of snuggling and rocking and wonder and imagination...they'll be gone if you blink...so try to keep your eyes wide open! Like me, you may have an iceberg of selfishness looming just under the surface, beckoning you to give in. Don't get me wrong, there are times that you DO need to take time for yourself in order to be healthy and let's face it...emotionally stable(!)...I believe that. However, there are times that thinking only of YOURSELF has influenced you to give your children and your husband second best...the leftovers...the crumbs. Those tangible, precious gifts from the Lord DESERVE YOUR BEST!

There is a verse in Joshua 24 that says, "Choose for yourselves this day who you will serve...as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

I implore you to CHOOSE to serve the Lord, and not yourself, no matter how stressed out and "done" you might be. Please realize, the way you treat your husband and your children, IS an act of worship unto the Lord! First Corinthians 10:31 says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Did you really get that??? Do it ALL for the glory of God! 

When I choose my kids, God is honored. When I choose my husband, God is praised. When I lay down my desires for the sake of another, I look most like His Son!

I know mothering effectively and pouring yourself out day after day is hard...believe me. But oh, if you'll just stay the course, the joy to come at the end of this mothering journey will be SO WORTH every ounce that you give up! And the divine paradox is always this -- you will get back more than you ever imagined -- you will reap what you have sown!

Our culture tells us...do what feels best to you and don't worry about the consequences.

As a Christian, a wife, and a mother, that's a lie you can't afford to buy into! Often, what seems "right" in the moment is the very thing that causes the greatest destruction in a life. If it's your goal to leave a legacy that lasts for generations to come, you MUST and I repeat, MUST, learn to turn off the outside voices of our culture that scream, "It's all about you!"

Because it's not...

not now and not ever.

As a mom, it's about them. As a wife, it's about him. 

But over and above it all...it's about the LORD!!!

_______________

Will you CHOOSE to serve Him today, instead of yourself?


Linking up at:
What Joy Is Mine, The Better Mom, lowercase letters, Raising Arrows, Lessons From Ivy, Far Above Rubies, A Pause on the Path, Women Living Well, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, Beholding Glory

For His glory,

The Day We Could Have Died

Just the other day...we were traveling down the highway, exhausted and weary from a dream vacation that included our first family cruise. Overall, we had logged about 1,100 miles in our car, although at this time we were just about 45 miles from home. Suddenly, it started to rain...really rain...very hard and very fast. It was the kind of rain that made visibility scarce. We noticed a large 18-wheeler that had wrecked in the median and my husband started slowing down. Soon we were in a dead stand-still on the highway. We couldn't see it at that time, but there was another wreck up ahead.

All of a sudden, my husband said, "Hold on girls! Hold on girls!!" and started frantically driving our vehicle onto the side of the road. You see, in his rear view mirror, he saw what we could not see...another large vehicle barreling straight towards us at 70 mph. The driver obviously could not see the brake lights of all the other cars due to the torrential downpour. Thank the Lord, my husband saw him!! As our vehicle moved, the driver finally noticed that traffic had stopped. He came within a few feet of missing the back of our car as he swerved into the median to avoid making us and the cars in front of us into a literal metal sandwich.

As I realized what had just happened, I involuntarily started to shake a little bit...but it wasn't until I turned around to check on my girls that the true gravity of the situation hit me.

Our two year old, who had been riding in the car for the past two days and was more than ready to get out of it had somehow gotten her arms out of the top of her car seat. She was sitting in her car seat, unrestrained!! As I looked at that precious little face, my mind immediately raced through the "what ifs" and the tears started pouring. The reality of the hand of God protecting my family humbled me, bringing with it a deep and overwhelming sense of gratitude. I choked back tears for probably the next 20 minutes, especially when my husband stopped to pray and thank God for protecting us.

"I wish I could have seen the angels in action!" I said. No doubt, they were all around us!

Within the next day, the Lord would confirm His awesome hand of protection during that incident two more times. Let me tell you how...

After the near-wreck, we decided to stop just a little ways down the road, both to eat supper and to help get our minds off of what had just happened. I know that my parents pray for their children (all 4 of us) faithfully, so I stepped outside of the restaurant to call them. As I was telling them the part of the story where I turned around and saw our youngest sitting in her car seat unrestrained, I "happened" to look up in the sky and saw not one, but TWO rainbows...one right on top of the other. I have only seen a double rainbow one other time in my life. To me, it declared the Lord's supreme faithfulness and I felt as if I could melt into a puddle right on that sidewalk! Mom and I were both in tears and couldn't even find words for a minute. I stood there, utterly and completely undone.

As beautiful and affirming as the rainbows were, it's the "second" evidence of the Lord's protection that really blows my mind...

That night, my husband had a bit of a hard time going to sleep because every time he closed his eyes, he could see the scene replay in his mind...a large vehicle barreling towards us along with the reflections of our innocent girls starring back at him. I went to sleep praying for him and again, thanking God that we were all okay. In the morning, as soon as I woke up, I remembered something I had completely forgotten.

The week before, on the same morning that we left on vacation, I had woken up having just had a nightmare. The nightmare was this...we were traveling on the highway... and were a part of a terrible accident...in the rain. I didn't remember any real details except for rain, horrific crashing sounds, sirens, and the feeling that we were gravely injured. That morning that we left, I had immediately started to pray and ask the Lord for protection for our trip...and I remember praying fervently as a result of that horrific scene I had just dreamt.

Later on that morning, when we stopped to pray before leaving, I started to tell my husband about the dream nightmare but decided not to, as I rationalized to myself, "I only dreamed it because I was anxious about all the traveling we have to do today." Still, as we prayed, I remembered praying a little "harder" than normal that God would dispatch His angels to watch over us and see us home safely.

Was God trying to warn me about the plan of the enemy to destroy us? I'm not sure, although in retrospect, it's easy to see (isn't it always?). What I am sure of is this...He heard and answered my prayers...and the prayers of my parents and in-laws...and the prayers of the handful of people who told me specifically that they had asked for our protection! Praise God that He moves through the prayers of the righteous!!!

A lesson that this has also taught me to an even greater degree is that God is always in the details! I say it a lot and have found it to be true over and over and over again. The almighty living God still speaks today! He moves among us...wooing us...protecting us...loving on us...inviting us into fellowship...working through dreams...lining up circumstances...virtually sending us neon signs that say, "I'm right here with you!". There is so much PURPOSE for all of us that are His children!

One day, it will be time for all of us to go to our true HOME in Heaven...but not yet. If you have breath in your lungs and a beating heart, it's because God has declared, "Not yet" over your life...just as He did over ours a few days ago! Jeremiah 29:11 promises that He has amazing plans for your life! You walk around drenched in PURPOSE and calling and many reasons for still being very much alive on this earth. Don't merely let life "happen"...don't take it for granted! I am begging you to please open your eyes to see that there is a grand design and a Grand Designer! He who formed you in your mother's womb has a grand design FOR YOUR LIFE! Seek Him for it and when you find it, spend yourself completing the mission!!! Run the race before you with perseverance!

That's exactly what I plan to do...especially after last week's reminder that my family and I still have much purpose! I didn't think I needed a reminder of that, but maybe I did.

Maybe we all did.

______________________

"For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

In their hands they shall bear you up,

Lest you dash your foot against a stone."

Psalm 91:11 & 12

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name."

Psalm 91:14 

"He holds success in store for the upright, 
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones."
Prov 2:7 & 8 


"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it."
John 17:15 & 16
(Jesus, praying for US!)

______________________

Linking up at:

The Better Mom, What Joy is Mine, lowercase letters, Lessons From Ivy, A Pause On The Path, Women Living Well, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, I Live in an Antbed, Beholding Glory, Spiritual Sundays

Testimony Week: Day 5

God Always Gets The Last Word

by Dorinda Wingenbach

When I graduated Bible College, I was eager to take on the world and ready for new adventures in ministry. After being home for 4 months and suffering with severe pain in my lower abdomen, I decided to go to the doctor. She found that my ovaries were infested with ovarian cysts. I remember feeling completely confident that this was a mistaken diagnosis and full of faith that I would have different news the next month. That month did not go as planned -- my health got worse and the pain became more intense. That month quickly turned into an entire year of agonizing pain!

Testimony Week: Day 4

Ransomed

by Rebecca Wade

"Hand this man over to satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord."

1 Corinthians 5:5

This may sound like a strange verse to start with but this sums up my whole life, in a nutshell, of how my story became my testimony! I was born and raised in a loving, Christian upper middle class family. My

Testimony Week: Day 3

Born At The Dead End

by Heather Palacios

In Robert Schuller’s biography, he began with this: “I was born at the dead end of a dirt road…”  I’ll finish his sentence later.

Testimony Week: Day 2

Grace, Love, and Holiness
by Rebecca Lee Gates

I wouldn’t say I was addicted. I never had to go to rehab or to the hospital for overdose treatment, but I just really liked the way it made me feel. It was a feeling I didn’t get to experience much. Powerful. Confident. Happy. I just wanted to feel happy.

Testimony Week: Day 1

The Best Thing to Ever Happen to Me

 by Leah Ferrebee

When I was 4 years old, my parents got divorced. My 2 brothers and I were raised by my mother, who is a believer. She brought us up knowing the things of the Lord. We were in Sunday school, church and youth group for years, however, I wanted nothing to do with God or church. I always knew deep down that what she was teaching us was true; I just didn't want any part of it. I rebelled against what my mom taught us, and was living a sinful life with no remorse.

The Day I Drank Poison

Just the other day...my spirit was broken and crushed. I was on my first mission trip. While there, I experienced sweltering heat, using a "squatty potty", and eating out of the belly of a cooked fish while trying not to look at its eyeball, glaring back at me. I rode in the bed of trucks through over-crowded streets, admired monkeys playing just outside my window, and bargained in markets for the best deals on souvenirs to take home. I ate McDonald's food, only it didn't taste like any McDonald's food I had ever had! I swatted flies and mosquitoes and slept with geckos running around my room at night.