I'm Selfish. Are You?

Just the other day...my baby girl said to me, "Mommy, will you snuggle with me?" Of course, my heart melted. I happily complied! Cuddling her as I rocked her, I thought about motherhood and how it has changed me...how all I ever thought about it was completely wrong and somehow, right, all at the same time.

My biggest surprise was that motherhood revealed the selfishness of my own heart to a degree I had never noticed. It started the night my first was born and I was denied precious hours of sleep. It only took a few more nights of that for me to realize, life would never be the same and what I wanted no longer mattered...at least not to her!

That night was just the tip of the iceberg. The Lord, in His wisdom, sent all three of my children with ice picks in their hands! They have done a great job at chiseling away at the enormity of my self-love, but as much as I hate to admit it...it still remains. I would think by now that I should be the "perfect" picture of a sweet, giving, sacrificial mother...but I am reminded daily that although I have many moments of triumph (thanks be to God!), I'm still so stinkin selfish, it makes me sick.

A request to snuggle is a pleasant one. Snuggling is easy! It's all the gazillion other demands on my time that make me sometimes want to run out the door and just keep running (picture Forrest Gump).

"Mommy, can I have a drink? Mommy, I can only find one shoe! Mommy, how do frogs hop? Mommy, she  stuck her tongue out at me! Mommy, I'm bored! Mommy, I have a hang nail! Mommy, watch this! Mommy, can you read me just one more book? Mommy, can you watch this 2 hour show I made up for you? Mommy...Mommy...Mommy........".....all these requests while at the same time feeling the pressures of dishes and laundry and meal planning and homeschooling and ministry and.....

Wow! It's a lot!! But ultimately, I have had to realize that God presents me with something daily...a choice.

I can choose to yell at my kids for not doing what "I" want them to do (like leave me alone). I can stomp around my house in a huff, thinking how unfair it is that I have virtually no time to myself. I can make my kids feel guilty for asking me for help. I can shame them for not doing things "the right way". I can completely ignore them and leave them to fend for themselves while I hide away in a book or on my computer or on the phone or in the bathroom or in a dark corner of the closet (what? you've never done that?!)...;o)

I could do all of that and teach them, very effectively, who is the most important...

ME.

Or, I could choose to fulfill my role as mother and take the higher road paved with true love and self-sacrifice. It's the highway chosen by best among us. It's THAT road that I seek to choose daily!!

Please let me encourage you -- these years of snuggling and rocking and wonder and imagination...they'll be gone if you blink...so try to keep your eyes wide open! Like me, you may have an iceberg of selfishness looming just under the surface, beckoning you to give in. Don't get me wrong, there are times that you DO need to take time for yourself in order to be healthy and let's face it...emotionally stable(!)...I believe that. However, there are times that thinking only of YOURSELF has influenced you to give your children and your husband second best...the leftovers...the crumbs. Those tangible, precious gifts from the Lord DESERVE YOUR BEST!

There is a verse in Joshua 24 that says, "Choose for yourselves this day who you will serve...as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

I implore you to CHOOSE to serve the Lord, and not yourself, no matter how stressed out and "done" you might be. Please realize, the way you treat your husband and your children, IS an act of worship unto the Lord! First Corinthians 10:31 says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Did you really get that??? Do it ALL for the glory of God! 

When I choose my kids, God is honored. When I choose my husband, God is praised. When I lay down my desires for the sake of another, I look most like His Son!

I know mothering effectively and pouring yourself out day after day is hard...believe me. But oh, if you'll just stay the course, the joy to come at the end of this mothering journey will be SO WORTH every ounce that you give up! And the divine paradox is always this -- you will get back more than you ever imagined -- you will reap what you have sown!

Our culture tells us...do what feels best to you and don't worry about the consequences.

As a Christian, a wife, and a mother, that's a lie you can't afford to buy into! Often, what seems "right" in the moment is the very thing that causes the greatest destruction in a life. If it's your goal to leave a legacy that lasts for generations to come, you MUST and I repeat, MUST, learn to turn off the outside voices of our culture that scream, "It's all about you!"

Because it's not...

not now and not ever.

As a mom, it's about them. As a wife, it's about him. 

But over and above it all...it's about the LORD!!!

_______________

Will you CHOOSE to serve Him today, instead of yourself?


Linking up at:
What Joy Is Mine, The Better Mom, lowercase letters, Raising Arrows, Lessons From Ivy, Far Above Rubies, A Pause on the Path, Women Living Well, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, Beholding Glory

For His glory,

An Open Letter to My Love on our Tenth Anniversary

Just the other day, I was given a gift. It was the gift of you, my darling husband. I call you my gift because I can remember night after night, laying in my bed, praying for you. I didn’t know who I was praying for, of course, but I knew that God knew (and ultimately, our story is HIS STORY)!

You know, back then, I had such a “Hollywood” picture in my head of romance and marriage. That description, that view, was the one I always thought of as perfect. But now…now “perfect” is completely different in my mind. “Perfect” IS us…not that our marriage is the ultimate marriage on the planet, because we both know it isn’t…but perfect as in, “God sure knew what He was doing and I wouldn’t have it any other way!” Perfect for me….for us… that’s what I’m getting at!

In ten years, we have been through a ton, and what I love about both of us is that we are fighters. We have fought our way through some very tough times. We have hit our knees together to hold on to what we have. We have dug in our heels and done some hard work. And the payoff is what I see in our marriage today. You…this…has been worth sticking in there!! God has blessed us more than we could possibly have imagined!

Today, on this tenth anniversary, I just want to let you know how amazingly thankful I am that God gave me you! There’s a multitude of things I appreciate about you and I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t notice all the hundreds of ways you sacrifice yourself to take such wonderful care of me and the girls. You know I’m a list-maker, so it’s only natural that I make a list. I love you, for all the things listed below, and for soooooo much more!!!  HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BABY!!!! As you said in church on Sunday, I look forward to the next sixty more;)

Things I love about you (in no particular order):

That you are yielded to the Lord

That you love me unconditionally

That you are an amazing dad

That you load the dishes a lot because you know it’s the chore I most hate

That you don’t let me carry suitcases because you know it will hurt my back

That you put up with my injury and all that it involves

That you took such great care of me when I was physically at my worst 

That you can cook really delicious food (lucky chubby me!)

That you put up with my “stopping to smell the roses” attitude

That you get something on your mind and you have to do it, right then!

That you throw yourself wholeheartedly into everything you do

That you are the most non-judgmental person I know

That you can “see” people for who they are, not what they say (perceptive)

That you notice things no one else does (like the little girl who lost her mommy at the mall)

That you are willing to give anybody a second chance

That you are a Southern gentleman who knows how to treat a lady

That you don’t hold grudges

That you take pride in your family

That you can make me laugh at myself and life in general

That sometimes when I pick up the phone, you still say, “Hey Beautiful!”

That when we are apart, I still know you are thinking about me cause you send me little text messages

That you don’t complain about having to do all the big grocery shopping cause I can’t (heavy carts with sticking wheels!)

That you buy me Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds, Dr. Pepper, and Nutella cause you know they are my addictions

That you give me lots and lots of hugs

That you bought me a camo baseball cap

That you take me hunting with you

That you get so excited when I go hunting with you (like a kid at Christmas)

That you treat each of our girls like a princess

That you turn to mush with each of them

That you don’t complain…ever…when you are called out in the middle of the night, early morning, at supper, or anytime to go and help someone in need

That you would give someone the shirt off of your back if they needed it

That you love a good deal and you are frugal

That you are a leader

That you don’t shy away from preaching the Word (and stepping on a few toes for the glory of God!)

That you hunger for more of God

That you are yearning to do His will, even if it’s a hard path to follow at times

That you are an encourager

That you go along with some of my silly ideas just to make me happy

That you are a giver

That you sometimes have a weird sense of humor

That you love to laugh and have a good time

That you are such a true friend to others

That you keep me on my toes

That you help me in my unending quest to make it on time

That you know how to make the girls’ start laughing in the middle of a crying fit (and ok, I admit it, you’ve done that for me once or twice too)

That you always remember my birthday

That you give good advice

That you take time out for your family

That you go out of your way to make “us” work

That you are a good listener (let me repeat, “That you are a good lis-ten-er!”…hahaha!)

That you sing silly stuff all the time

That you are cute when you are ornery and tired (most of the time)

That you sometimes keep the kids so I can go shopping alone

That you are honorable

That you let God speak through you

That you tell me you love me all the time

That you would fight for your family, or die for us, if that’s what had to happen

That you asked me to marry you!!!!

I love you,

How I Met My Husband

Just the other day, or more like ten years ago this week, I married the "one" for me and this is how we met...

My older sister had just moved to a new place and decided to join an online group for stay-at-home mom's in her area. At a play date where all of the mothers met in person, she and another lady (who is now my sister in law) started discussing their siblings. They figured out that D and I might be a good match and exchanged our pictures. That night I got a call from my sister, asking if I would consider getting to know this guy. I had just come out of a God-inspired six month "fast" from dating and was not looking for anything (in other words, I was very content). Also, the last blind date I had been on was terrible, so I was in no mood to go on another one. I told her these exact words, "You can give him my email address, but I'm not making any special trips to meet this guy" (he lived two hours away). Well, that night I received my first email from D (his sis had gone straight over to show him my pic/tell him about me) and as they say...the rest is history! We emailed daily for about two weeks, and then I decided to let him call me. After talking on the phone for about a week, we decided to actually meet in person.

Our first date was on Feb 11, 2000. We met in the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel about an hour from me because it was the half-way point. I remember him getting out of his SUV, lookin' all cute in a blue collared shirt and khaki pants (insert smile). It was a good first impression (although I had seen his pic that my sis had sent me through snail-mail). He opened the car door for me to get in. He asked me the same question twice in just a few minutes, so I could tell he was nervous, but I thought it was just adorable. He was really trying! We drove to a larger city nearer to where he lived and decided to eat at Joe's Crab Shack. I had suggested it, but with a motive. I thought that if we had absolutely nothing to talk about I could try to start a conversation based on some of the crazy stuff they usually have displayed in those restaurants (lame, I know)! I don't remember much about the restaurant, but I do remember that we signed our names right beside our booth. (Why would we do that if we didn't think something "special" was going on?! Hmmmmm.)

After we ate, D took me ice skating. He was the Minister of Students at a church and had recently taken some children there for an outing, so he thought it would be fun. It was! We skated around and talked for the longest time. My favorite part of this story happened at that skating rink. For some reason, D made the remark that he never fell when he was skating. I promise you not thirty seconds later, he fell down for no apparent reason!!! Oh my soul, looking back that is so funny!!!! Don't worry, nothing was hurt but his pride (insert smile with a wink).

We ended the night at a coffee shop where neither one of us drank coffee, but we just got some dessert and talked some more. The "it" moment for me, the moment that got me hooked (ok, besides some pretty good flirting), was on the drive back to my car as the night was coming to a close. We got into a really deep conversation (remember we had already been "talking" for a few weeks through email and on the phone) about what we wanted life to look like for us...as individuals, mind you...in the future. I remember D saying something like "Sure, I want children and I will love my children, no doubt...but whoever my wife is....ultimately, I will CHOOSE her. I want to love her first and put her first, before the kids, because I chose her and I will choose to love her for the rest of my life. Each night, when my kids go to bed, I just want to enjoy hanging out with my wife. I always want her to know that she is special." Now, that may not sound amazingly romantic to anyone else, but to me at that time, he painted a picture that I wanted to be in!  He kinda was also saying (in not so many words), "I know what I want and I'm not playing games here" which was good to know, cause I was DONE playing games (can I get an AMEN from all my sista's who are still "in waiting" out there?! There's hope...hang in there!).  Well, to try and make this long story shorter, guess what?! He chose me and he still chooses me and I am living in the picture he painted that night.........how sweet it is:)

I literally felt like I drove that hour back to my home on a cloud. I am not kidding you, it just felt like I floated home (I know, "gag me"...but it's true). I just remember praying and smiling and thinking about the night and praying and smiling and........floating.

And that's the story of how we met.

Now you know:)

P.s. I ended up making LOTS and LOTS of "special trips" just to see "that guy". We lived two hours apart, but we ended up seeing each other every weekend for the next 14 months (except for one when he went on a ten day mission trip).

Looking Both Ways

A Look Back:

In retrospect, 2008 was a good year. I definitely learned and grew as a person. It's certainly true that growth does not occur without some amount of testing and hardship. I will not elaborate on the difficulties, but suffice it to say that I'll take all the wonderful-good with the yucky-bad if in some way it brings glory to the One who matters most! So, here goes -- a very short list of some of the "big" things God taught me in 2008.

1-"Do It Afraid"...simply put, don't be afraid to fail, be afraid of the failure that comes in never taking the risk! I've missed out on a lot in life due to fear. No more.

2-Stay focused on eternity...I think it was Rick Warren who said that this life is just practice for the next, which will be our REAL "life". So true! We have one chance and one chance only to spend THIS life doing that which matters most. It would do us all some good to take inventory and make sure our focus is dead on! (I also read "90 Minutes in Heaven"...got me super-pumped about the life ahead in a way I have not been since...well, probably since I accepted the Lord as my Savior!)

3-"Getting It"...I never will...LOL! Seriously, life is a journey and we aren't meant to know it all! That's helps us to stay dependent on God who will lead us day-by-day. He'll supply us with snippets of truth, but not the whole tamale!

4-Motherhood (lesson revisited each year since 2004)...This mommy-thing is both the most frustrating AND the most fulfilling job all at the SAME time. I'm still learning to let go of the housework and the "to do" list in order to focus on what's most important. Some days, my house is a wreck and I simply can't stay on top of it...but my kids are happy and KNOW they are loved and accepted. I'm not superwoman; I'm a work in progress.

5-It's all God's...ALL of it. He is my provider. End of story.

6-Prince Charming is a myth...I LOVE my husband and he is my best friend, but man did I put him on a pedestal! He is not God. He will never fulfill all of my needs. Whoever fed us this lie that a man will be "it" for us?! Did you read what I wrote above. He's not God. And, neither is your husband (wonderful as he may be!). I will teach my girls this great lesson.

7-LOVE...God LOVES me. Period. I can't add anything to my life to make Him love me more. He taught me this one night in prayer. It rocked my world. I cried like a baby for about an hour. I changed that night. Somehow, this truth moved from head-knowledge to heart-knowledge in an instant. What can I say...He's God and He can do that! I pray that He'll do that for you if you don't grasp what I'm talking about here. Oh man do I pray He'll do that for you!

8-That I never, ever, ever want to have as busy of a Christmas season as I experienced this year! My usual Christmas "joy" never showed up on the doorstep of my heart. That fact brings me utter sadness, especially since it is my favorite holiday. I don't know what I did wrong...but when I figure it out, it won't happen again.

Looking Ahead:

I am greatly anticipating all that God has in store for 2009 because I just KNOW He's gonna blow my socks off! Why? Well (A) -- He never leaves any of us where we are if we stay yielded to Him (Conversely, He is certainly a "gentleman" and will stay away, so-to-speak, if we kick and scream and declare that we have no real need of Him...which is a sad way to live, but haven't we all done it either in our words or actions?!) and (B) -- 'Cause He gave me a super-cool verse for my year. Now, I can't take credit for the "verse for the year" because I actually got the idea at www.marybethwhalen.com (and I don't know how to put a link in, sad but true). Anyhow, when I read the idea though, I thought it was so neat. So, I asked and He gave. Are you ready for it? It is Ephesians 3:20-21:

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." (New King James Version)

Oh man, I could totally write a whole blog about the verse (and probably should cause this is so long!) but let me just say...

He is SO able

to do

exceedingly abundantly

above (or BEYOND)

all that I ask or (even) think!

Wooooooooooooooo! Does that not give you goosebumps?????! Cause I don't know about you, but I'm ready for Him to move big-time in my life, in my family, in my church, and in my world! And you know what...He will. I know He will. Sure, bumps in the road and challenges will come, but doesn't that make life all-the-more interesting and WORTH IT when the end result is something beautiful?! I believe it does.

So 2009, I love you already...for the promise you hold because of the One who already sees you from beginning to end and is SO ABLE to do great things! Bring it on!