Honesty From An Author I Love

She Makes It Look Easy by Marybeth Whalen She was beautiful, thin, smart and could cook too. I, on the other hand, knew next to nothing about cooking and couldn't seem to lose the baby weight. She never seemed to doubt what she was doing as a mom. I worried all the time about it. We were quite a pair, but that didn't stop me from being around her every chance I had ... hoping some of whatever she had would rub off on me. Sometimes we would double date with our husbands. I liked going out with them because I thought our marriage would morph into theirs if we were around them enough. One night we took our children and the wait at the restaurant was especially long. Feeling equipped and qualified for once, I produced my pièce de résistance for our whiny squirming toddlers: a bag of M&Ms, kept for "emergencies" such as these. Internally I beamed as the children quieted and munched happily. I had saved the day. For once, it was me with the answers, me with the plans. After dinner we got in the car and my husband said, "I don't think she liked that very much, you giving her daughter M&Ms." I got defensive. "Why would she mind?" I countered. "I got us through dinner without either of them having meltdowns!" I could feel my resolve and goodwill begin to melt like chocolate candy held in a toddler's warm hands too long. Frantically I scanned my brain for some evidence that he was wrong. Was my friend unhappy when I gave her child chocolate? I thought of all the times she'd insisted on fruit and not fries, how she wanted her daughter to have water and not juice. It made sense that she wouldn't want her to have chocolate. How had I missed the polite signals? I rode the rest of the way home in silence, feeling like I had fallen off my self-constructed pedestal. There was no chance I could ever get back up, much less make it to the top where my friend sat. How I had wanted to impress her! Yet in my quest to look capable, I had managed to mess up. I often think back with vivid clarity on that moment. For me, it was one of several defining moments as I learned to stop looking at other women as my gauge for perfection. I was consistently putting other women on pedestals, convinced that one had a better marriage, another had a better house, one had a better body, and yet another had better-behaved children. In playing this bitter comparison game, I always came up short. Comparison, as they say, is the death of contentment. And then something started happening to the women I admired. There was the woman who seemed to have it all together ... until her husband lost his job and they were dragged through an awful court case. Still want her life? I heard God whisper as I prayed for her. There was the woman who had shown me the beautiful plans for her gorgeous new home ... months before her husband left her for another woman. Still want that house? God challenged. There was the woman who had six children and managed it all so beautifully, while staying thin. I've watched her mount countless hurdles in the past few years. And God has reminded me each time that her life is no more perfect than mine. There is something in each of us, something that harkens back to Eve and the Garden of Eden. We have so much, we are so blessed, and yet our souls are restless, looking for more. Our eyes scan the landscape, searching for something to light on, something we don't have. We see thinner, richer, prettier, better and we want it. We reach and we strive and ... like I did, fall. Sometimes the fall is horrible, humiliating and harsh. Sometimes it is quiet and we are the only ones who know it happened. I once heard a story about a group of people who were asked to write all their problems down and lay them in the center of the room. Then they were invited to go and pick up any problem they wanted instead. After much pondering and picking through the problems, each person went back and chose their very own. You see, they realized they were uniquely qualified to handle their own issues. God knows that. And slowly, with practice, I do too. I don't want to be like the elusive "her" anymore. I want to be like me. She might make it look easy - but it's not. For anyone. Knowing that truth, I can grab tightly onto God's hand and embrace the wild adventure He has for me. Personally, I am going to pack some M&Ms for my journey. Marybeth Whalen is the wife of Curt and mom of six children. The family lives outside Charlotte, North Carolina. Marybeth is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries writing team and a regular contributor to their daily devotions. Her first novel, "The Mailbox," was released last year. Her next novel, "She Makes It Look Easy," has been recently released. Additionally, she serves as director of She Reads, Proverbs 31 Ministries' fiction division. You can find her online at www.marybethwhalen.com **Reprinted with permission from the author.**

Daddy

Just the other day, I was a little girl all dressed in my Sunday best, including patent leather shoes, of course. Undoubtedly Mama had rolled my hair in pink sponge rollers the night before. As I sat waiting for the morning service to begin, to the left of me sat Grandma, to the right of me, Mom, and in front of me on the platform stood the man I admired more than anyone on Earth...Daddy.

I used to call Daddy the "giblet preacher" 'cause God would give him little tidbits of wisdom to share before the main course of the sermon. I can remember many times, people would come up to tell my dad, "Thanks for sharing what you did, it's what I needed to hear today." Daddy wasn't a preacher, not officially, but his life spoke. It spoke to me as a child and it still speaks to me today.

A daddy is a leader whether he wants to be or not. The way he walks, talks, and spends his time says volumes about what's in his heart. My daddy, without a doubt, has a heart of gold.

What's the best thing about my dad? He loves Jesus. He made sure we were at church nearly every time the doors were open, but more impressive than that was that He acted the same at home as he did at church. He spoke at home the things he would speak at church. He was not playing a game...he was the real deal...a passionate follower of Christ! He pointed all four of us kids to Jesus in both tangible and intangible ways. If he ever heard us say anything contrary to the Word of God, he would talk to us about it. Many times, I would get up, walk in the kitchen, and see my daddy at the table or in the den studying his Bible. He made sure that in the house or in the car, Christian music was played. We watched "family friendly" shows on TV. We prayed together. If anything "unholy" crept into our lives, it came in stark contrast to the atmosphere that was allowed in our home. It made it hard for tiny consciences to chase rebellion. It's hard for evil to exist in a home saturated by the presence of the Lord. I even grew up with a portrait of "Jesus" hanging on the wall in our den. Jesus was always watching me, and so was Daddy. I was aware of the presence of both.

Daddy did all the things a great man does. He worked hard to provide for our family and  he devoted his life to his place of employment. He stayed after work many times, not because he had to but because he knew there was a job to be completed. He worked with excellence in mind. If he was at home working in the yard, I saw excellence there, too. Whatever he did, he did it as unto the Lord.

Daddy also was and is a protector. When I was little, he made sure my bike was working right. When I was older, he was always checking on my car. If I was out late at night, he would be waiting up, half-asleep, when I walked in the door, just to make sure I got in okay and that all the doors were locked before bed. Even today, we joke that my dad is the "weather man". If bad weather is headed our way, you can bet my daddy knows about it. If it's really bad weather, you can bet the phone is going to ring.

If there was a corny joke to be told or humor to be found in a situation, I could always count on my dad. I wish I had a dollar for every time he has cracked me up over the years. Since laughter is like good medicine, there's no doubt that I had a healthy childhood.

It was my mom who woke me up for school during the week (which is a whole other story), but on Sunday mornings many times my Daddy took on the chore. Waking me up can sometimes be like trying to wake the dead, so Mom, bless her heart, needed a rest. Daddy would come in the room, snuggle up next to me, and throw his big ol' arm over me. His tactic...love me awake. I can assure you, on those mornings, I woke up with a good attitude! My daddy was never an overly affectionate guy, but he wouldn't shy away from a hug either. If I hugged him, he was gonna hug me back for as long as I needed huggin'...and sometimes I needed a good long hug or a side to snuggle up against. He never minded.

I could think of a thousand more ways my daddy spoke his love to me. He played games with me. He helped my with homework. He gave me advice. He would sit with me and just talk. He prayed for me. All that I've mentioned and those things left unsaid, they all just really point to one thing...security. I grew up as secure in my daddy's love as a girl could get. My sweet daddy, like a big ol' warm blanket, covered me and nurtured me into womanhood. He showed me first what a heart of gold looked like so that later in life, I knew exactly what to look for.

Daddy,

All I can say is, you did it all right! In my estimation, you have been and are the best kind of daddy a girl could ask for. When I had questions, you never turned me away. When I had fears, you helped me to see the truth. When you saw a gift in me, you pointed it out. You have spoken to the tiny seeds in my heart and I know you and Mom have asked the Lord to make all my dreams blossom. I feel and know your love each time you're around. Simply let me say this, I am forever thankful to be called your daughter! What a privilege it is to call YOU, Dad.

With an aching heart 'cause I love you so much it hurts...

 HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

2011

A Poem for Wanna-be Supermom's

Just the other day, I found this poem. Don't be surprised if you come to my house and it is taped at eye-level on my front door. I plan on printing this one out and putting it on the memo board in my kitchen. I hope it will serve as a reminder that, all too soon, this precious time with my little one's will be over. Lord, please don't let me waste one moment striving to be an overachieving, supermom with a spotless house! Help me pay attention to what matters most.

Come in, but don’t expect to find
All dishes done, all floors ashine.
Observe the crumbs and toys galore.
The smudgy prints upon the door.
The little ones we shelter here
Don’t thrive on a spotless atmosphere.
They’re more inclined to disarray
And carefree even messy play.
Their needs are great, their patience small.
All day I’m at their beck and call.
It’s Mommy come! Mommy see!
Wiggly worms and red scraped knee.
Painted pictures, blocks piled high.
My floors unshined, the days go by.
Some future day they’ll flee this nest,
And I at last will have a rest!

~Author Unknown

Have a beautiful weekend!!!

Faithful Father

Just the other day, I was flipping through my personal journal. I came across a prayer I had written to the Lord. The entry date was a little over a year ago. I sat amazed because everything I was praying about then, God had answered!!! Not only that, He had answered beyond what I ever could have expected! To be quite honest, I had forgotten about that prayer. But God did not. And that’s just like Him. It’s what He loves to do with His children. He loves to surprise us with more than we thought possible! 

Oh, I know, sometimes the roads we travel down are…well…immensely difficult…but the outcome is so worth the struggle! So often, we run from the pain and the discomfort, when in actuality, we should learn to embrace it. There are lessons to be taught in the place of pain. No amount of time “on the mountaintop” would ever produce the same benefits. Do I think the Lord causes the pain? No. Do I think the Lord uses what “satan meant for evil” to produce some really great stuff in our lives? Yes!

If we understand the Lord as the perfect Father, we understand that it is NEVER His intent to bring us harm. Never. It is His desire to see us whole and healthy…physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally…all the way around! His word says that He came so that we may have abundant life and I’m telling you, that kind of life can be found even in the midst of pain if you make the Lord, your Father, your dwelling place…your home...your safe haven. And you know what I realized that day as I was reading my journal? I honestly think that maybe for the first time in my life, I really did go a whole year making Him my safe haven…running straight to Him with everything…especially with the hard stuff that I didn't understand. I know that must sound ridiculous, saying this is the first year I had done that, but in the past, truthfully, I would get some crazy thought in my head (a lie from satan) and decide to let it build a wall between the Lord and I (you can travel over here to read an example). This year, I actually relied on faith, believing NOT on what I saw or felt, but rather, on the truth I saw in His word or the truth He impressed upon me. I prayed through the doubt and I took my stuff straight to Him. Would you believe that it works!? Ha! Trust me…you can trust Him!!!

He will come through for you. He will fight for you. He will defend you. He will heal you. He will make the path straight. He will guide you. He will teach you. He will sustain you. He will carry you. He will shower blessings upon you. He will be a Father to you. He will love on you. He will comfort you. He will bring you peace. He will be your strength. He will answer your prayers…

even if you forget that you asked them.

Because that’s just who He is…

Faithful.

Please watch the following video. You'll be blessed!

 

My Kids Make My Heart Smile

 

 

Just the other day, or actually last year around this time, I finally decided to start writing down some of the funny/sweet things my kids said. I definitely wish I had done it sooner. Hope you enjoy!

• "Mommy, can we go through a driveway to pick up supper?" S, at age 6

• “When I giggle, my heart giggles!” K, age 3

• “Jesus tells me I’m a cutie!” K, age 3

• One day, while shopping in a department store K came over to me with a funny look on her face and asked me why "that man" wouldn’t talk to her…"that man" was a mannequin! What can I say? She’s a talker! I pray for her husband;)
• Me: "K, ewwww! Please don’t lick your baby sister on the face."…."But Mommy, she licked me first!!!"
• "Mommy, I smell something stinky. Will you please put out that Tupperware you just bought?" –S, who really meant the “potpourri” that I just bought:)
• One day, we were eating out at a restaurant and a man asked K how old she was. She said, “I’m 3”. He then asked her when she would turn 4. She responded, “on my next birthday.” (like DUH, mister!)
• K came to ask me if I could help her find “Maneve” in her picture Bible. I said, “Maneve???” She said “Yes, I see Adam, but not Maneve.” Get it…Adam and Eve:)
• During homeschool, S and I were talking about storing up treasures in heaven and not on earth. She looked at me and said in the most excited voice, "Mommy, I know God is going to reward you!" "Really? For what?", I asked. She responded, "For teaching me every day."...fought back the tears after that one!
• My husband said to A, “You are a crazy youngin’!” K came to her defense and said, “Daddy, she is not crazy and she is NOT an ONION!!!” Bahahaha!!
• “Mommy, don’t you think we need to get A a cage?” (K, upset that her baby sister had just gotten into her markers)
• Me: “Calgon, take me away!” S: “What is a cow gun?!”

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..."

Prov 17:22

Guard Your Heart

 Just the other day, when I was a young girl in high school, I began a friendship with a guy, thinking I could “win” him to the Lord, but before long I was the one who was in trouble. Soon, I convinced myself that he and I were in love, and before I knew it, I had given my heart away. I wrote these words in my boyfriend’s yearbook: “I give you my heart” (that makes me nauseous just thinking about it). It’s not the words that sicken me as much as the thought behind the words and the very fact that I opened up my life to someone who didn’t deserve to have that honor. I allowed myself to become vulnerable to another person who could never have been my husband (“Romeo and Juliette” type of thing). I used to joke and say, “I think God will have to move me 1,000 miles away from that guy to ever get me out of this relationship.” With His impeccable sense of humor, the Lord landed me at college exactly 982 miles from my doorstep.

Sure enough, the relationship ended and both of us moved on, but the damage of three years of emotional bondage had taken its toll on my heart. I found myself comparing every other person that I tried to date with my high school boyfriend and if they didn’t measure up, it was over before it even started, so-to-speak. Thankfully, one very perceptive Christian guy came into my life and pretty much told me he wouldn’t compete and he felt it was useless to try, or for anyone to try for that matter. That’s when my eyes were opened and I finally realized, I had to let God do some heart surgery on me.

 I’d like to say that emotional healing happened overnight and (POOF!) I was ready to be real and open with my heart again, but it didn’t. It was a long walk and I had a lot of feelings and baggage to deal with. I had to go through a lot of sacrificing and a lot of laying my “stuff” down.

Eventually, God got me ready and in the right place so that I could meet my husband (you can read that story here). Still, the fact that I even had to walk this road grieves me to no end. I was forced to pay a high price for not guarding my heart (my emotions/feelings) and if anyone can learn from my pain, I’d shout it from the rooftops!!! I realize that in all relationships, there is an element of risk, but for a young girl to form such an overwhelming connection was unwise and dangerous. Think about it, I was just a few years away from having played with baby dolls and pretend tea sets! Having girls now myself has helped me to realize how unprepared I was. I wish I had been taught early on the importance of guarding my heart. I wish I could have spared myself the heartache. And for those of you out there with preteen or teenage girls, I pray that you will diligently teach them to guard their hearts, for it is a precious treasure!

Even as a grown woman, I have noticed the need to continue to guard my heart. This realization has happened vicariously, mostly through others who have failed to create “safeguards” in their lives. Others may think chatting on the computer with members of the opposite sex is fine, but to me, as a married woman, it’s off limits. Others may think sending text messages or emails to another man who is “just a friend” is okay, but not me. I’ve decided not to do it unless my own husband, the other person’s spouse, or a trusted friend is in on the conversation. Others may think that flirting with their husband’s best friend or their child’s teacher is just innocent fun, but to me, it’s crossing a line. You just never know when the person you are talking to is vulnerable and furthermore, you might have a blind spot to your own weaknesses.

The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8 “Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.” His seeking is so subtle. What I might think is innocent and harmless can quickly become a recipe for the destruction of my marriage if I am not on guard. Know yourself! Guard your heart! There are too many marriages and families in ruins today because someone decided to let their guard down, someone foolishly decided they were incapable of falling, or someone decided to act selfishly in the moment.

How can you guard your heart? Read on...

The easiest way to make sure you are on guard is by staying in an intimate relationship with the Lord. He is your Creator and your Father and because of that, He’s an expert in all that you need. Make sure you are filling up with Him throughout your day! Read the Bible, keep devotions open on your desktop to read when you have a pause in your day, play worship music, get alone to pray and wait on the Lord. Soak up His presence! Simply put, stay in constant communication with Him. Rely on Him, especially in those times when you know you are emotionally needy!  Philippians 4:  6 – 7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Another safeguard is to make sure you are maintaining intimacy with your spouse and I’m not just talking about sexually (though that’s an important component)! Make time to connect, to really talk beyond the surface stuff like, “Honey, what’s for supper?” or “Don’t forget the kids’ game on Friday”. Schedule time together and don’t let anything get in the way of it. Make your relationship with your spouse a priority!

Lastly, make time for friends, even if you only have a moment to squeeze in a quick phone call. “A friend loves at all times” (Prov 17:17). God has given you friends as gifts! Make time to connect with them. I don’t know about your husband, but I know my husband would appreciate not having to converse about new trends in children’s clothing or the latest cute shoes;) That’s what girlfriends are for! Actually they are for much more than that, but I think you “get me” here!

~~~~~~~~

I hope I’ve encouraged you be wise in your decisions and to protect your heart/emotions! The Word of God, as always, says it best:

 Above all else, guard your heart,
   for everything you do flows from it.
 Keep your mouth free of perversity;
   keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
   fix your gaze directly before you. 

Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
   and be steadfast in all your ways.
 Do not turn to the right or the left;
   keep your foot from evil.

Proverbs 4:23-27

For His glory,