Pondering the Call to Motherhood

Just the other day...I gently rocked my sweet Abigail, back and forth in rhythmic time, watching her little body go limp as slumber overtook her. She had played hard that day, so sleep came quickly. On a normal night, she would chitter-chatter and sing and pray forever - - telling God just how much she loved Him and eeevery single person in her life (God knows my Abbie is thankful!), then I would put her in bed, tell her goodnight, and walk out. But this was not an ordinary night. That night, her tiredness allowed me the pleasure of rocking her to sleep like I use to when she was a baby. I was thankful for a fleeting "mommy moment"...a chance once more to stroke her cheek and hum a song, a chance to sit and ponder how we got here so very fast. No matter how hard I chase them, the "little years" keep slipping from my grasp.

My babies are growing up...as they should...but still, I marvel at it all - - how a young girl can dream about marriage and the babies that will someday come, and then how someday comes and goes way too fast. I look forward to the years ahead with great anticipation, but now with just a tinge of sadness, knowing how rapidly the time will go.

Bittersweet. That's what it is.

I love that verse in the Bible that says, "But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." She weighed all that she was hearing about the Child to come...the past, the present, and the future...keeping them as "heart treasures", only to herself.

It's in the pondering that I feel so connected to her, drawn to the woman who had such trust in God that she said yes to bringing forth His Son, without hesitation. It's like she knew she was made for that very reason! In the moment the angel spoke, my guess is that great purpose settled upon her heart. The heart that had always known received its long-awaited confirmation.

I know deep down that mothering is and always has been a part of my purpose as well. Like Mary, I ponder the mystery and the magic of it all...the past, the present, and things to come. The fact that I might be chosen to have such a calling is too much for me at times. I wake up every day humbled that I get to be a mother.

Don't let the world tell you, my sweet friend and fellow-mother, that any part of your service is commonplace. IT IS NOT.

It is part of your calling and what a high-calling it is! Your precious, pondering heart knows it well!

So run the race with diligence, knowing that God is smiling on you in this journey, my friend. When you fill hungry bellies, soothe hurting hearts, dry sloppy tears, clean grass-stained clothes, recite math facts, drill memory verses, sacrifice so that they can have, and go to bed exhausted for the thousandth time, do it with joy, for you, my friend, have honored your God. He has invited you into this service to Him and you, daily, are answering His call.

We don't know much about the every-dayness of Mary's life as a young mother...but I can assure you, she was doing practically the same things you are. She served her sweet little Jesus-boy and loved Him to the core of her being. She made sure His every need was taken care of. She held Him and nurtured Him and rocked Him to sleep...I'm sure still pondering the majesty of it all in her heart.

God knew Jesus needed Mary.

God knows your children need you.

So kill the doubts - - you are enough. Shut out the discouraging ones - - their opinions don't matter. Quiet the comparisons - - you are uniquely gifted for your family. Cease the worrying - - you, and your children, are in the palm of His mighty hand!

I pray, today, that as you look into the faces of your children - - though they be tiny and new, or older and worn - - you'll get a glimpse of your purpose and wonder at the majesty of it all.

Linking up at: 

Raising Homemakers
Missional Women
What Joy is Mine

Struggling With an Idol

I see you there, waiting on the other side of the keyboard. I see the puzzled look on your face as you have wondered about the long pauses in my writing and my lack of using social media to communicate.

There are many reasons why (motherhood comes to mind), but mostly this - - I am struggling with an idol. The odd thing is, writing and social media, those aren't idols for me. I won't say they never have been because there are times in my life I had to have my "facebook fix" or else! But not recently.

Lately, my idol is you.

It's my neighbor, the new moms in my homeschooling co-op, the people at church, ladies I serve with, family members, my mom's friend from church who just started reading the blog, the "professional" co-worker I hide my writing from like it's a scandalous secret (trusting that I'm too unimportant to google, and besides that would be creepy)...basically, it's everyone I have contact with in real life! It's okay to write for "anonymous" readers, but somehow in the last year, I've started wanting the approval of the people I rub elbows with more than I've sought after the approval of God when it comes to writing here. Ouch, ouch, and ouch.

The once fearless, go-get-'em me morphed into an approval junkie.

I've wanted to be liked more than I've wanted to follow this God-given passion. I've wanted to hide more than stand on a stage. The roar in my ear to keep quiet forced me into submission because I have feared that my authenticity would bring a reproach, or even worse, rejection.

In allowing myself to give in to fear, I have hurt my precious Lord and the tears streaming down my face are no match for the heaviness in my chest over my sin, though I know that He has already forgiven me.

And yet...I am a firm believer in the fact that my God never wastes a trial. He's been doing deep things while I've been quiet. He and I have wrestled a good bit over the past year's struggles. I've learned new things. I've repented. I've surrendered. I've grown in my walk. And now, I've drawn a new line in the sand. The enemy has been after my words...but he will not have them.

To all of you who have become my idols - - I'm officially giving you up. This is your notice. I will no longer bank on your approval. I can't. It has killed my freedom and stolen an element of joy from me. It has caused me to sin by placing you in a position of authority rather than Christ.

I am committing to crush the head of fear and take hold of courage once more. There are words to write, hearts to encourage, speeches to give, lives to motivate, and stories to tell...all for the glory of God. I am determined to care more about the message of Christ than about public opinion, even if it means some people think I'm weird, or off, or out there, or too all-about-Jesus-for-my-own-good.

I believe that far too many of us keep trying to blend in, ignoring the fact that God intends for us to stand out.

It's time to stand out.

"You are the light of the world - - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden."

 Matt 5:14