The Pastor's Wife

Just the other day...I ran across this poem (below). As a pastor's wife, I could certainly identify with it. While it is an amazing privilege and an honor to get to be "the pastor's wife"...to be honest, sometimes it is the most complex and confusing of all titles. I could never expect anyone who is not a pastor's wife to understand. However, please know that many of us struggle greatly. We are not perfect, but we feel the many expectations on us to be perfect...and for many pastor's wives, that can lead to great discouragement.

I recently talked to a local ministry leader who has tried to reach out to pastor's wives in the past. She said the number one topic that needs to be addressed with minister's wives is depression. As I have experienced more than once, it is often a very, very lonely place "at the top" and the enemy can use that lonely place to his advantage. So, my prayer is that in sharing this, I can help, in some way, to open your eyes to the experience of the common pastor's wife. Please know that your pastor's wife needs your encouragement, your constant prayers, and your unconditional love. Ask her to be perfect and she will fail you every time, but allow her to be herself, give her much grace, and you'll find much treasure hidden inside.

The Pastor's Wife 

She serves in a position she had not sought for in her life
She simply fell in love with a man called into ministry,
You may know her; she’s the pastor’s wife.

She accepted her role to live for Jesus and share the Gospel light.
She just wanted to make God and her husband proud,
Just happy to be the pastor’s wife.

She started on her journey, her expectations soaring high.
She gave her heart and soul to the task,
For she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was expected to be a certain kind of woman adjusting to church life.
She was not there to receive, but to serve;
After all, she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was to be seen as a Godly lady free from bitterness and strife.
She was to always have a gentle and sweet countenance,
Because she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was to be a gracious hostess anytime someone dropped by,
No matter the day of the week or how late into the night -
For she's the pastor’s wife.

She was to be the perfect mom and her children were to always play nice.
She was never to raise her voice but discipline them perfectly,
Because she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was not to have any personal struggles or down times in life.
She was to always be on top of the world,
For she is the pastor’s wife.

But, she has been down and lonely, more times than we realize.
For she is a woman first of all,
And then she’s the pastor’s wife

She has struggled on a pastor’s salary just trying to survive,
While she watched others enjoy trips and luxury holidays-
Not common for a pastor’s wife

She has been humbled, and very grateful, many times throughout her life
For the grace God gave and the prayers that have been prayed
To encourage this pastor’s wife.

She longed for just one true friend, her battles to help her fight-
Only to later be burned by people who turned their backs on
the pastor’s wife.

She yearned for her own identity, and Christian friends to share her plight.
She wanted to be known for who she is,
Not just as the pastor’s wife.

She longed for simple conversations from the many in her life.
But they often only spoke to her to give a message to him -
For she was known as the pastor’s wife.

She may be hurting and discouraged or in need of hug that’s tight.
She gets tired and down just like everyone else,
So encourage the pastor’s wife.

She’s always there for all of you, so get to know her and treat her right.
Show her interest that’s true for she’s a person too-
This one called the pastor’s wife.

She has too often been neglected by the ones God put in her life.
So, let us find an occasion and show her appreciation
And honor the pastor’s wife.

Loyd C. Taylor

P.s. For those of you thinking, "Oh, my pastor's wife is so wonderful, I don't think there's any way she has experienced pain, depression, isolation, or loneliness."...open your eyes. She shares her struggles with God and her husband, but very rarely with a church member.

P.s.s. To my own church members who may read this, I love you immensely and I'm doing fine...promise. This is not a 'cry for help' on my part, but done out of love for my friends who are PW's.