Just the other day, we were riding down the highway and a cop pulled out in front of us. What do you imagine everyone did? Do you even have to imagine it, cause you know immediately what everyone did, don't you?! Yep, they all slowed down! Brake lights flashed all over the place! Even if you have your cruise control set on a reasonable speed, when you see a cop, don't you immediately "check" yourself?! I know I do!
Right after that happened, I was looking out the window at the trees rushing by and I had this thought, "That's what you feel like people do when you show up, isn't it?"
What? Wait.....ohhh..........YES!!!!!! That's it, Lord!!!! That's exactly what I feel like!!!!!!!
You see, I very conveniently haven't mentioned it before now, but my husband is a pastor. I'm HAPPY that he is and he is amazingly used by God, but me, well...........I just don't like being "the pastor's wife" for the very reason I mentioned above! People change when they get around me. They treat me like I'm the cop on the highway. They are happy I'm there, glad to see me "doing my job", but they don't want me paying attention to them really. They are content to acknowledge me, to say a courteous "hi", but they don't want me hanging around long enough to get in their business....not "the preacher's wife"! And, just keeping this very real here, for a long time I have let this confuse me to no end. For WAY too long, I have analyzed myself and looked inward and wrestled with thoughts of "what is wrong with me?" and "why do I have such a hard time having any real relationships when it used to be sooooo easy for me to get close to others?". It's an exhausting dialogue I have been having, let me tell you!
Anyways, to bring this around to my real point, I think God showed me this very thing so that I could finally understand people. Oh, His ways of dealing with us are just so perfect, aren't they?! I don't know that I would have ever understood it any other way. But now, I see! I understand! Seriously y'all, listen to this - I was just pulled over by a cop a couple of weeks ago and I can guarantee you now that God had something to do with that. I was given MUCH GRACE by a person who I thought was so scary, by someone I was terrified of...I just knew he was going to write me a ticket, but he didn't! Not only did he not do what I expected, he did what I least expected and went out of his way to help me get where I needed to go in an unfamiliar area. OK....are you getting it?! (cause I sure am!...let it sink in!) Yep, I need to be doing that very same thing! I need to literally quit being what people expect............to ruin their preconceived ideas and just let Him flow out of me in the ways He created, because He made me who I am for a reason...........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, FREEDOM!!!! (as the Hallelujah chorus plays in the background, of course)
Why do I need to change? Because the real me doesn't let people push me away (or doesn't want to anyhow). The real me pursues and tries to build a relationship. The real me is loyal to a fault and once you are my friend, I consider you a friend for life!!! And the real me is so very, very tired of not getting to be the real me:(
So, here's to the new pastor's wife who will not stand by and be treated like the bad cop any longer, like it or not. Please pray for me as I try to undo nearly four years (or honestly, more like 10 yrs!) of feeling like a fish out of water. I'm warning you now, this might not be pretty! And then again, maybe it will be:)
NOTE: This is certainly NOT how I have felt about every relationship! Please give me some grace in this :)
Right after that happened, I was looking out the window at the trees rushing by and I had this thought, "That's what you feel like people do when you show up, isn't it?"
What? Wait.....ohhh..........YES!!!!!! That's it, Lord!!!! That's exactly what I feel like!!!!!!!
You see, I very conveniently haven't mentioned it before now, but my husband is a pastor. I'm HAPPY that he is and he is amazingly used by God, but me, well...........I just don't like being "the pastor's wife" for the very reason I mentioned above! People change when they get around me. They treat me like I'm the cop on the highway. They are happy I'm there, glad to see me "doing my job", but they don't want me paying attention to them really. They are content to acknowledge me, to say a courteous "hi", but they don't want me hanging around long enough to get in their business....not "the preacher's wife"! And, just keeping this very real here, for a long time I have let this confuse me to no end. For WAY too long, I have analyzed myself and looked inward and wrestled with thoughts of "what is wrong with me?" and "why do I have such a hard time having any real relationships when it used to be sooooo easy for me to get close to others?". It's an exhausting dialogue I have been having, let me tell you!
Anyways, to bring this around to my real point, I think God showed me this very thing so that I could finally understand people. Oh, His ways of dealing with us are just so perfect, aren't they?! I don't know that I would have ever understood it any other way. But now, I see! I understand! Seriously y'all, listen to this - I was just pulled over by a cop a couple of weeks ago and I can guarantee you now that God had something to do with that. I was given MUCH GRACE by a person who I thought was so scary, by someone I was terrified of...I just knew he was going to write me a ticket, but he didn't! Not only did he not do what I expected, he did what I least expected and went out of his way to help me get where I needed to go in an unfamiliar area. OK....are you getting it?! (cause I sure am!...let it sink in!) Yep, I need to be doing that very same thing! I need to literally quit being what people expect............to ruin their preconceived ideas and just let Him flow out of me in the ways He created, because He made me who I am for a reason...........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, FREEDOM!!!! (as the Hallelujah chorus plays in the background, of course)
Why do I need to change? Because the real me doesn't let people push me away (or doesn't want to anyhow). The real me pursues and tries to build a relationship. The real me is loyal to a fault and once you are my friend, I consider you a friend for life!!! And the real me is so very, very tired of not getting to be the real me:(
So, here's to the new pastor's wife who will not stand by and be treated like the bad cop any longer, like it or not. Please pray for me as I try to undo nearly four years (or honestly, more like 10 yrs!) of feeling like a fish out of water. I'm warning you now, this might not be pretty! And then again, maybe it will be:)
NOTE: This is certainly NOT how I have felt about every relationship! Please give me some grace in this :)
