The past few years have proven to be a training ground for me. What I thought I knew about the Lord has only been enhanced and enlightened. Truths about the Lord had to be settled in my heart. I have written sporadically or not at all over this time because, quite frankly, I was wrestling and searching. Trust me, friends, God was doing a deep and sacred work in my heart. I believe the lessons I have learned and more specifically, a greater understanding of what it means to be broken, will anchor me for the rest of my days.
I needed, very much, to step away...to evaluate...reevaluate again...and come to a greater acceptance that this writing and speaking thing is so very not about me. Do you know how I discovered that? I laid it down and then, I tried very hard to walk away. But walking away from one's giftings, I have found, might just be some of the hardest work of all. It is quite difficult to get very far! And God? He is persistent. I bawled earlier this year in front of an entire group of strangers as one of them spoke to this gift and affirmed what God was already whispering to me. My Father doesn't let go, and I love Him to pieces for it!
The Spirit of the Lord is passionate about reaching others through any and all means possible. When He gives us a gift, He intends for it to be used. He decides the seasons in which our gifts are used and the ways in which we are to use them, and it is our job to obey. After much prayer, I can tell you this without a doubt, His decision for me is not to walk away and not to shut it down, but to pick it back up and to continue what was started. I no longer see this as something I'm "dabbling" in. Not at all.
It is my calling.
In obedience to the Lord, I have had this blog redesigned in a simple and straightforward way, with just my name, a few headings, and words on the page. I enter back into this online space, tiptoeing quietly to my keyboard, knowing there are things the Lord intends to do here, but in reverence, awe, and fear of Him like never before. I pray desperately that He uses my "voice" however He sees fit. I long with every ounce of my heart to honor God, to obediently follow, and then to leave the consequences up to His discretion.
You can expect nothing more and nothing less than what I feel inspired to say in this space. I won't promise any kind of frequency at this point except this...I will meet with you here much more than I have in the past couple of years. I will pour out my heart. I will not be afraid. I will not run. I will write and speak as He opens the doors simply because of this...
He has asked me to pick it up one more time.
So here I am, my friends, surrendering.