In other words, I moved (literally) from a place of complete comfort to a place full of unknowns.
Can I just be honest? I really, really don't like this unsettled feeling.
Icky. That's what it is.
Where I was before, I saw and knew why I was needed there. God had made that very plain.
But here? I have no clue. I don't know what I expected...maybe that God would just plop me right in the middle of some grand purpose and I would immediately be like, "Oh, this is why I'm here. I get it now."
It hasn't happened that way.
Instead, God and I are wrestling. I may or may not have shut my closet door and cried it out with Him a few times already.
And sometimes, when I really stop to think about it, I just slap my forehead and say... "Becky, REALLY?!"
As in...am I really going to be like the Israelites, forgetting over and over and over again that no matter what my eyes see, my God is in control?!
He has me right where He wants me. He sees me. He is working it all out in His time and He has a far greater plan than anything I could dream up! I just need to...
Rest. Be still. Wait.
But when you are like me...pacing at the gate, ready to let your God-given passions run like the wind...waiting is the hardest thing to do.
You see, I discovered something about myself during the last season of life...I can no longer be the quiet one in the corner. That place, while safe, became bondage for me. And if you want me to be honest, it's a returning to that place that I fear the most right now.
Status quo. Complacency. Passionless existence.
Mere survival from day to day.
I was made for more than that.
We all were.
And if we're really honest with ourselves, we all know it. It's not like the Holy Spirit lets up or lets us off the hook. He, our Guide, whispers continually to us...causing us to dream big and drink deeply of this thing called PURPOSE.
Psalm 138:8 speaks of it:
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands."
Eph 2:10 speaks of purpose also:
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
God has chosen, for reasons only He can understand, to work through us, sinful men and women. There are specific reasons why you and I are on this planet, every fiber of our being made with His imprint, created for PURPOSE (Jer 29:11, Gal 1:15).
I'm floundering around a little bit in this journey, not quite sure of mine at the moment, but believing all the same, that the Faithful One will indeed show me in His good time.
And He will show you your purpose as well. I promise.
But neither one of us can hurry Him up. So maybe you and I, we can just encourage each other as we wait together, huh?
I'd like that. A lot.
Linking up at:
For His glory,
