Noticing Anna

Just the other day...I went to eat at a restaurant with some friends and I've been "haunted" ever since. From a distance, I noticed a woman that looked vaguely familiar so I asked my friends, "Is that 'Anna'?" To my surprise, it was! Wow. I hadn't seen her in years! I really couldn't even recall the last time I had seen her.

I had grown up with Anna, literally. She and I attended the same schools (elementary, middle, and high school).  By worldly standards, she was from a very poor family and as we all know, in elementary school, if you are different in any way, other children will pick up on that fact. That certainly happened in Anna's situation.  Kids made fun of her and teased her endlessly. I remember it so well. I don't remember ever making fun of her, but I don't remember standing up for her either. I DO remember her tears, especially when we were in elementary school, and I also remember her lashing out. Sometimes she could take the teasing and seemed as tough as nails. Sometimes it was more than she could bare. As a mother, I can't imagine that happening to one of my little girls day-after-day. Looking back, I'm so sad that it happened to Anna (and that it happens to any child)! I'm also very ashamed that I didn't have the courage to befriend her. I know deep down it's because I was afraid of being ridiculed myself, scared to invite the same kind of teasing into my life. Still, I wonder...if I had taken the time to get to know her...to sit with her at lunch...to invite her over to my house...could she have been one of my best friends?  Even more than that, could her life be different today because someone actually cared?

I stated that I was haunted by seeing Anna because I literally can't forget seeing her again. I got to speak to her for a brief moment that day. She remembered me. She didn't say much at all. I didn't say too much either. I know a part of me really wanted her to smile with confidence, to look me in the eye, and to chit-chat like old buddies for a bit..."How are you? What have you been doing since high school? Blah, blah, blah..." I would love to have discussed marriage or children or whatever. But that didn't happen. What happened was this...I still saw pain...a hurting little girl in the shell of a woman who wanted to run away from someone who reminded her of painful memories...and it bothers me to no end.

If I could, I mean, if she wouldn't think I was completely nuts(!), I would go to her right now and hug her and tell her how sorry I am. I would tell her that she is beautiful in the eyes of God. I would explain to her the Father's heart and tell her that it explodes with love just for her. I would tell her that to God, she matters immensely and has matchless value. And I'd probably weep as I told her that God sees every deep hurt, every scar, every wound inflicted from those years of ridicule. I'd tell her how much it had bothered God to see her go through so much pain and how much it hurts Him at this moment to see her nursing those wounds to this day. I would encourage her to run to Him for healing and full restoration and I'd help her do that! And after that, I would apologize for not standing up for her...for not reaching out...for not caring to be a friend to her when she needed one the most.

In my make-believe perfect world, that's exactly the conversation I would have with Anna.

Furthermore, in my make-believe perfect world, no child would ever, ever be made fun of because of a lack of finances...or for any other reason for that matter!!!

I've tried to evaluate why I have had such strong feelings since seeing Anna again (cause that's just what I do). Besides the possibility that I may see her again one of these days, and aside from the fact that the Lord may very well lead me to step out of my comfort zone (yikes!) and actually share with her some of the imaginary conversation written above, I'm thinking my answer is this...

LOOK AROUND!!! 

There are those just like Anna around me all the time! There are those who desperately need a friend. There are opportunities to physically show the love of Jesus to those that society has stamped 'worthless'. Sometimes I notice, but more often than not, I am too busy with my own agenda. And while I'm self-centered, opportunity after opportunity passes...and people go on hurting...needlessly.

Lord, help me to notice every "Anna".

Help me to truly love each one You place before me.

An Interview with Princess #2

Just the other day, when Princess #1 was 4 and 1/2 years old, I did an interview with her. You can read it here. Now that Princess #2 is the same age, I wanted to do the same interview. She's so funny! I hope you enjoy it. I encourage you to do these kind of interviews with your children. Believe me, they are FUN to look back at years later:) I'm amazed at how similar my girls' answers are. It will be neat to see what kind of answers Princess #3 comes up with in a few years!
 

1. What do you think heaven looks like? Bright and pretty with lots of flowers and trees.
2. What does Dad do at work? I think he writes and makes posters and “stamples” (staples) stuff.
3. What do you think your husband will be like? Handsome and nice and I think he will like me.
4. If you were going to spend one year on a desert island and could only take three things with you, what would they be? Money, " Cuddle Bunny", and a phone.
5. Who is your favorite aunt and why? Aunt Schuyla, because she loves me.
6. Who is your favorite uncle and why? Uncle Jeff, because he plays with me a ton.
7. What do you think Joseph and Mary heard in the stable on Christmas night? “Don’t be afraid.”
8. What do you think Joseph and Mary smelled in the stable on Christmas night? Flowers.
9. What is the nicest thing I ever did for you? Played with me.
10. When is a time that I hurt your feelings? When I get in trouble.
11. When is a time that you were really mad at me? When you get mad at me, I get mad at you.
12. If you could be a movie character who would you be and why? Wendy in Peter Pan, because she’s pretty.
13. What is your favorite outfit? My dance clothes.
14. What is the hardest part of being four years old? Trying to take care of my baby sister.
15. What has been your favorite childhood memory? When (Princess #3) got born. She was so cute and tiny!
16. If you could be an animal for a day, which one would you be and why? A dolphin, because they can do really special tricks (then she got in the floor and started showing me how they do tricks).

Changed

Just the other day, I got the chance to go home. Back to my hometown. Back to the place that I once belonged. I say "once belonged" with just a hint of sadness. This time, more than any other time that I can remember, I felt different. The town hadn't changed much at all...just me. I've changed. And, you know what? I love that I have!

I grew up in a bubble. It was a good bubble...a nice place with wonderful people...but still, it was a bubble. And growing up, I thought life was all about what happened inside THAT bubble. I thought IT (the place), was IT (the best). For many years, I have romanticized my hometown. I've thought, "Oh, how I wish I could go back there and raise my kids. Our life would be just perfectly wonderful! I would know most of their teachers, their coaches, their doctors...just about everyone. I could take them to all the places I loved. They would get to live near family (especially grandparents, who would perfectly spoil them and give me a break). If I could live there, I would be the happiest person ever, raising the happiest children ever, with the happiest marriage ever...period." (Okay, I'm being a little facetious, but you get me, right?!)

Funny how satan has been able to distract me with such nonsense. Funny how he has made me think that I was missing out. Funny that I bought into that lie all this time.

Actually, it's not funny...AT ALL.

By God's grace and through lots of prayer, I have come to realize that I AM EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE. My family is doing His work. We are on mission for Him. We are here by divine design. I have known that in my head, but not fully in my heart. Because my heart thought that somewhere else would be better.

Personally, I may never love everything about where we live, but I rest in the unmistakable fact that we are not here by chance. God has provided all that we have needed and beyond. He has loved on me by providing my family with things that truly, I only wished for in my heart...things I never even voiced as a prayer or complained about to another soul. They were things my Father knew about, and Father's love to surprise their children with good stuff...ya know, just because!

I'm humbled, to be honest, that He has put up with my thinking that I could do "life" better in my hometown. I have silently paraded around as if I knew best!

Now, I see that my hometown has imperfections just like anyplace else. It is not the perfect Norman Rockwell setting I painted it out to be. And, even if it was, we could pack up and move there tomorrow and be perfectly...

miserable.

Because God has said, HERE...not there. God has said, THESE PEOPLE...not those people. God has said, FOR THIS TIME...not for that time, looking to the past.

I will always be grateful for my hometown for being, well, just a wonderful place to grow up! But now I realize, it's just that...a place. But MY place, the place filled with purpose and destiny for my family...the place I am growing more passionate about by the day...is here.

And that, my friends, means that I have changed a great deal.

***What about you? Are you believing in a lie that you are missing out on something because your life doesn't "look" like you think it should? Would you be willing to surrender that to God today?***