Every Shadow is an Opportunity

Just the other day...I wrote a letter to God. I'm sharing it here in hopes that it might help someone else.

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What I don't deserve You freely give and all to say, "I love you." I'll ponder it my whole life long and never understand it. Such grace...so many good things...all too many to count. And yet, at times my eyes look around at my life and they betray me, telling me the opposite is true...that You are not for me, that somehow I have missed the mark.

When I look behind me, I know the truth. The truth that, just as I see such beauty in creation...Your handiwork so evident in the landscape around me...I see it in the pathways I have walked. Behind me, I can see all of Your goodness in all of it's glory. Behind me, Your faithfulness shines like the noonday sun. For there You have worked out every intricate detail in all Your majesty. You are the One, the glorious One, who has crafted a work of beauty out of every trial and every pain. Behind me the road is paved amazingly well and it reflects and reveals grace. It reveals You. 

It's only where I'm standing at the moment that there seems to be shadows. It's here in the shadows that I hear the sinister question, "Did God really say______???......Surely not."

Oh, how I wrestle in the shadows.

In the shadows, I enter into the ever-constant, staggering dance between faith and doubt. Full of faith and confidence one minute, full of anxiety and fear the next. I know it's not what You want, this double-minded and divided heart. But how to rid myself of it? The answer escapes me.

So I turn to Your word, and there You are.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does."

James 1: 22 - 25

That's exactly it!

When I immerse myself in the Word...not just read it, but meditate on it and act upon it, I understand. I see so clearly! I "look intently into the perfect law" and yes, it gives me freedom...such freedom and clarity!!! But then, I walk away from that perfect reflection and I forget who I am in You (i.e. royalty, a daughter, righteous because of Your sacrifice). I become blind, deaf, and dumb. I become needy, like a beggar, seeking some kind of affirmation when You have already shown me the truth and what to believe. When the ball is in my court, when it's time for me to act out my faith and to rest in it, so many times I botch things up...forgetting.

And do You know what's worse than forgetting who I am?

It's forgetting Who You are.

I never actually forget You, but in the shadows, so many times I forget to proclaim Your truth and stand on it. I pray that in the shadows, I can be found recounting Your truths..."My Father is the Lord of all creation. He is on His throne, exalted and in full control. I am His daughter, saved by the shed blood of Jesus Christ. No good thing will He withhold from me. His love for me is immeasurable. He is Lord over every circumstance. He holds my days in the palm of His hands. My Father has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He has plans to give me a hope and a future. He is for me. Is there anyone or anything that I should fear?!"

When will I learn that every shadow is an opportunity?

Every shadow is an opportunity for me to choose to remember who I am, but more than that, the shadows are an opportunity to remember who You are.

Every shadow gives me a chance to proclaim Your word,

pray Your will,

trust in Who you are,

and rest in the fact that You will come through...

GLORIOUSLY!!!

Just as You have in the pathways I have walked before.

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What about you? What are you choosing to do in your shadows today?

For His glory,