Just the other day, my husband found an old video. It was of my first daughter's 2nd birthday party. As I stood watching part of the video, I admired the amazing cuteness of that precious girl on the screen. She looked like a little princess in her pink party dress, which was adorned with balloons, ribbons, and a "2" in the middle of her chest. Oh, but then came the part where I was on camera. Groan. Aside from the obvious fact that I was much skinnier back then (grrr!), I was immediately hit with one single thought, "I wish I could tell that girl (me) what's coming. I wish I could encourage her just a bit that it's all gonna be ok and that in the end, the result will be worth it." Wouldn't that be GREAT if we could somehow encourage our future selves about what's around the corner?! Not so that we could blab every detail, but so that we could just assure ourselves..."It's not gonna be fun, in fact, you're about to walk through some really hard times, but things work out beautifully, trust me! I can't wait for you to see it!"
Yeah...that would be awesome...
or would it?
Once I truly thought about it, I realized the "not-knowing" is what has molded me into who I am today. The place of "not-knowing" has been my classroom. In fact, it has kept me dependent on the ONE Who Matters Most. It has had me on my knees...weeping, begging, pleading, and finally leaving "it" in His capable hands. The "not-knowing" is what has driven me to trust...to have faith...to hope when all hope seems lost. And the end result may or may not be what I had hoped for, but the Lord weaves His beauty and His glory into it, always making it better than what I had hoped. In the end, His decision is always the right one, whether I deem it be or not. And frankly, it's the process of going through, the process of making it to the other side, where some of the richest treasure is to be found! It's the resistance and the struggle and the learning to give it all to God that makes warriors out of babes. If anything, I have learned this...when I try to fix everything in my life, I fail miserably. When I give it to the Lord, I always win!
Do I have battle scars?
Are there things I don't understand?
Does it keep me from running to the Lord when I find myself in the place of "not-knowing"?
The Lord told His servant Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12: 9)
You and I, my dear friends, are wise to take up the same declaration as Paul: "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12: 10)
True strength will always be the result of a life broken before the Lord.
And the place of "not-knowing" is where the wise declare, "Break me."